Tag Archives: life

A Mew Chapter

Yes, it’s been a LONG time since I have posted here. Lots of big changes have been going on in the past few months.

It’s crazy how suddenly and drastically  life can move into a different  phase. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be typing a post containing these words, but… I am pregnant!!!

That’s right, I’m having a baby human! Also, in the short amount of time that I have been away from my blog, I have fallen in love and Addy & I have moved! No one could have ever convinced  me that these things would happen. I wasn’t expecting any of it!

Regarding the pregnancy: I am now 10 weeks along. We had the first ultrasound  done last Monday and hot to see the tiny little heart beating away!


There the little bean is! He or she is about the size of a cocktail shrimp right now!

Anyway, I am having to go back to Little Rock in a little over a week. This pregnancy  is considered very high risk due to my health conditions, so I am seeing a few Maternal Fetal Medicine specialists there. It is already known that I will have to deliver by cesarean section.

We found out when I was only 4 weeks along. I have been so very sick this whole time… morning sickness my ass! It’s more like all day and night sickness! Despite losing weight and not being able to eat much or keep much down, my belly has already grown! I’m excited  to feel the first movements.

This was shocking and totally unexpected, but a great blessing for sure. I hope everyone is doing well and also hope you will come with me on this amazing journey!

Untitled Blog Post #2

As you can tell, I’m being extremely creative in thinking up post titles!

So, I’m trying to make myself write a post every day again. Although I would like to let Addy take over this blog, and she would do an amazing job and be brilliant, it was pointed out to me that I, the human, have more interesting things to say.

Of course, Addy got completely offended, but it did make me really think about some things. I have had a lot of unusual experiences in my lifetime so far. Some good,  many bad, and a few that I would have never believed could actually happen, had I not personally been there.

I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster and i have no idea how to harness that and use it to start making posts of any substance, but I should at least try.

I think one of the main problems is that my style of writing relies heavily on humor and sarcasm, and being gripped by depression has taken away most of those abilities,  or at least the drive to write that way.

Now I’m feeling like I’m not even making any sense. This is so hard to describe when I don’t understand it myself!

I’m not going to take the blog away from Addy, but I’m no longer considering giving up my part of it either. Maybe someone out there does need to hear about my experiences…

Update on Life

Some of you have been immensely kind with your concern and curiosity of my well-being since my April 3rd post.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can read that post here or find something more interesting to read 😉

I’m starting to feel again. Feel what? I’m not entirely sure, but for a little bit I was just… numb. So feeling anything could be called progress I suppose.

I have the desire to write again, though I can’t promise the quality of my writing. Or that I’ll have anything interesting to write. But I want to try. That counts for something, right?

I’m learning things about myself that I never knew. The realization that I never really knew who I was… I can’t even describe what that feels like.

I’m spending time on the important things in life, when I’m able to.

I don’t think I have much else to say for now other than I’m still alive. One more thing though-

I know it’s hard to see when you are in the moment of your own life, but try to take a step back and look at the big picture.
Are you making a big deal about things that you won’t even remember next week?
Are you living your life or are you just being complacent?
Do your loved ones know how you feel about them?
Are you making the most of what really matterss?

Those are questions I wish I had asked myself more, questions that I’m trying to ask myself every day now… because maybe it isn’t too late, even though, for me it feels like it.

I didn’t mean for this post to turn in the direction it did, but maybe it was meant to help someone see a little more clearly in their life what I couldn’t see in my own.

In a split second, everything you’ve ever known can be taken away. Don’t take what you have for granted.

Losing Control of Life

Today is horribly sad. It’s the last day I will ever sit on this couch… gaze out the sliding glass door… hear the whir of the dishwasher… and a million other everyday experiences I have taken for granted the past 3 years.

Isn’t it strange how I’ve never thought about any experience as possibly being the last… until now. My heart is empty and my soul is broken. There are no words to describe exactly what I’m feeling in this moment. Today is the day my life forever changes.

I am having so many emotions and thoughts go through my mind. The- what if’s, the why me, why now, how could I have changed, why didn’t I do this better or that differently, what did I do to deserve this- type of questions.

The truth is simple but not easy to understand: I will never know the answer to any of those questions.

My illnesses (at this point it doesn’t matter what they are) have taken over my life and I am so mad at them. They have taken away my hopes and my dreams, they are changing my life drastically and not in a good way.

I don’t know how to make any of this into a positive experience. There is nothing positive about having no control over what is happening to me.

I don’t want to leave this place. I don’t want to leave my soulmate, my best friend, the one who vowed to be there with me “through sickness and health”. 

I have no choice. I want to scream and beg and plead at the top of my lungs until he wraps me in his arms and tells me everything will be ok. But he won’t,  because it’s not going to be ok.

Life Stuff… Why I haven’t posted lately

So. Maybe you’ve been wondering why I haven’t finished (or started) my Birchbox and Vox Box reviews yet, or blogged about anything else lately. Life keeps getting in the way. I don’t know if you have read my “About Me” page or not. Probably not. It really isn’t that interesting. Actually, I can’t remember if I even mentioned my health conditions in it…

Anyway. I’m disabled. Not “wheel-chair bound” or “dying next week” disabled. I have several chronic illnesses which leave me unable to work or play or even get out of bed on some days. I’m not going to go into all the details of each problem in this post. I will. But not right now. I have a LOT of pain and am on pain medication. I’m telling you this because it is relevant to why I haven’t been writing all the time like I want to.

My pain management doctor switched one of my meds last week and I have been trying to adjust to it. I’ve gone through this so many times with various meds. This one has made me sleep. A LOT. Like even more than I already have been sleeping, with trying to get used to my CPAP/ ASV machine.

So there you have it. I have been asleep. Some other stuff has happened but I feel like I should make individual posts for everything. Otherwise this post would turn into a whole book and no one will ever read it! (maybe no one will anyway…idk)

So. If you want to know more about me  or what’s happening in my world (you know, if you are bored and want to read about some random person’s life) read on! We just might have something in common. Kat

Attention: Any and All Health Issues

This is very important to me, so I will address it right now. If you are reading this and have ANY type of health issue, please follow me and message me. I have listed some of my health issues in my About Me page. I want to help others who have suffered with health issues the way I have, no matter what the issue is. I have felt so alone in my journey, and I know what it’s like to be misunderstood by everyone in my life. I want you to know, that whatever you are going through, you are NOT alone.

I am not a doctor. I am disabled. I will help you in any way that I can. I know how to find the correct resources for many health concerns and if I don’t know of one, I will do everything I can to find one for you.

I am very open-minded and truly care about YOU, I will never judge, I will always speak from my heart and with love.

Ok, all that being said… I’m not quite sure how this blogging thing is gonna go. I have so many topics I want to write about and so much time on my hands to do it in. I can see this getting confusing very fast. I will probably have a separate blog for my product reviews, Vox Box reviews, Birchbox reviews, etc. I will keep this one focused on anyone who needs someone to listen, someone to care.

So for the time being, until I see what kind of following I will get for different subjects, please bear with me. If you follow me and see a random blog about something other than health (physical and/or mental and emotional), don’t freak out and think you have made a mistake. Feel free to read if you like. Everything I write about is something I directly relate to, so maybe you will as well!

Middle School

It is 2:45pm on a Friday. It is drizzling rain. I’m sitting here waiting on my 13 year old son to enter the truck, I’m his weekend salvation.

As I wait, I glance up at the little electronic gadget above the rear view mirror that displays the gas mileage, compass, temperature etc. 58 degrees. I am not ready for this kind of weather.

I watch clumps of pre-pubescents exit the building and realize how different things are, compared to when I was in middle school.

Most of the pre-teens are sporting earbuds which travel from their ears to their backpacks or jacket pockets. Some of them are talking or texting on their iPhones.

Last Monday I learned that my son will be entering 9th grade next year with at least 3 high school credits, assuming he passes the finals in his advanced classes at the end of this school year (which he will, because he has a life plan).

The passenger door swings open and I snap back to reality. My 13 year old son hands me a brochure and says that he wants to go to Costa Rica. What?!?!

As I drive home, the (barely) teenager tells me all about his Science teacher distributing these brochures to take home to the parents of the (children?) (barely… young ladies and gentleman?) youth in his class.

My son and some of his classmates will be going on an educational tour of Costa Rica for 9 days in March. There is a meeting in a week about this for the parents of the students who will participate in the trip.

At 13 my son will have his very first passport. Take his very first flight. Have his very first experience of a different culture, a different country.

As much as this scares the hell out of me, I must not be the parent who denies their child an amazing opportunity because of fear.

I know that he is fortunate to have this opportunity. I know it will be one of the many life-changing events that will shape his future. I know this is necessary for him to arrive at his adult destination. So I know I will do whatever it takes for him to embrace this opportunity. After all, my sole purpose as his mother is to prepare him for his future.

Middle school for me was the awkward stage in my life where my peers and I were figuring out crushes, makeup, puberty. We nervously anticipated the biggest event of the year… the dance.

Our concentration was spent on what we would wear. Our worries consisted of which boy would ask us and what would we do if a pimple the size of a volcano appeared the night before.

My son is anticipating the view of an ACTUAL volcano and a zip-line excursion through the jungle.

I’m not sure if this progression of opportunity in the life of an American Middleschooler is terrific or terrifying.

What I do know is that I am envious of my son right now. I am 33 and have never even seen a passport up close and personal, let alone have one of my very own.