Writing Under the Influence… Again

I want love. The kind of love I’ve read about in fairy tales and great romance novels, not the torturous kind I’ve only known in this life so far.

I really don’t believe anymore that it actually exists, but if it does, it must be quite rare and therefore, the chances of it finding me are slight.

This is a depressing thought. Maybe I am destined to be alone for the rest of my days. Being alone suits me alright most of the time, but when the lonely comes, I feel it’s presence to the very core of my being… and it makes me cold. So cold.

That coldness is difficult for me to bear. It’s a physical and emotional coldness that no blanket can take the chill from. The only thing that helps at all when I get like this, is Addycat.

I doubt I will ever meet anyone who could truly understand me as I am, anyone I would actually have many things in common with, anyone who could love such a broken and chronically ill person like me.

Here’s a thought though… to keep what miniscule amount of hope I have left in finding someone, alive, I think I will start writing to that person. Here. In my blog. Maybe I will never have that special person to show the entries to, but if a miracle happens, and I do, then I will be glad I wrote them.

Writing While Under The Influence…

Of pain pills and sleeping meds.

Today was mostly uneventful,  aside from the PayPal fiasco this morning.

What, you may wonder, was the PayPal fiasco? (Probably you’re not wondering that at all, but I’m gonna tell you anyway)

I ordered a new phone from eBay a couple of days ago, and PayPal wouldn’t let me use my debit card to complete my transaction for some still unknown reason. So… I decided to put the money on a prepaid PayPal card. Of course, my luck is ridiculously bad most of the time… so I ended up having to jump through a trillion hoops to finally get the damn thing to work. (That number might be a tiny bit exaggerated).

Why can’t anything ever just go smoothly and easily?

Things like that really get me worked up, to the point where my head feels like it is buzzing… and not in a good way.

I know I need to go back on anxiety meds, but healthcare where I live sucks. I’m not willing to go through that level of stress just yet because I know it’s going to overwhelm me and ultimately pissed me off to the point of snapping, before I will actually be able to get the help I need.

Anyway. Here is a picture of dinner tonight… Meat Lasagna,  Garlic Bread, and a salad with purple onion, peppered tomatoes and radishes.


There is no real significance to this, other than I like my posts to contain at least one photo. Addycat wasn’t being an agreeable subject, so the inanimate food became my target instead.

I started writing this, thinking something profound might appear on the screen, but alas… I have just watched the cursor blink for thirty consecutive seconds.

Great. A blinking blue cursor is more interesting than any of the jumbled thoughts in my brain.

At least I’m writing again. I keep telling myself that I need to write each day, even if I have nothing to say. The trouble is, whoever happens to read these posts are bound to get bored and not read anymore. Then when or if I ever do write something interesting,  important and profound, there will be no one left to read it. Sigh. Such a dilemma…

Reading Previous Posts

So I decided to look back on some of my past posts. I do this from time to time, and when I do, I usually end up deleting some of them… I wish now that I hadn’t deleted so many. Some are difficult for me to read because they take me to places that I don’t want to revisit. But still, I think it’s important to remember those times. Remembering them can make a person grateful for how far they have come and remind them that, no matter how bad the situation, we always manage to make it through.

I’m still very broken but I’ve managed to live on.

My Submission


Drawing board

To Art’s art contest at Pouring My Art Out

Weekend Events


This is a giant burger. (Sorry the presentation is utterly ridiculous,  but we must work with what we’ve got)

I made them yesterday when my daughter brought her foreign exchange student friend home from college. The student is a very sweet Chinese girl named Janet, who speaks very little English. When asked what she would like me to make for lunch, her reply was “cheeseburger and fruit salad”. Regrettably,  the fruit salad was quickly consumed before I could get a photo. Such is life.
So, we ate cheeseburgers and fruit salad for lunch while conversing with Janet about the differences in our cultures. It was a lovely time, and I do hope Holly will bring her back each time she comes home from college since the dear girl is so far away from her own home and family.

I’m still staying at my parents place since mine is still being remodeled. It hasn’t been at all bad, but I’m excited to see my “new” home and be amongst all of my things once again.

Miss Addycat is getting along just fine here. She rather likes it, actually.  She gets up around 3am each morning and sits with my parents as they have coffee. She enjoys playing “Thundering Herd of Elephants” throughout the house very late at night or wee hours of the morning.


The camera angle shot makes her face look distorted here.


She is a bit irritated of my picture taking. Still adorable, nevertheless!


I’ve got to practice my photography skills.  Trouble is, my subject is not very patient lol!

I’m starting research to do a few Medically related pieces, I hope they will prove informative or even valuable to some of you. Until then, take care everyone! Kat

Lessons in Meowish… Back in Session

Hello evfurryone! I’ve been taking a break from blogging to do lots of this…


But now it’s time to get back to business with our Meowish lessons!

This is a good word to start out with…
Meowch – Can you guess what it means? Here, I will give you a hint.

Kittehs + Catnip + trying to give a belly rub = MEOWCH!!!

That example may or may not have been inspired by events that occurred earlier today…

Thank mew for reading!!! Addycat

Bring Back the Cornquistos!

Last night I couldn’t sleep, so I began reading random articles online. One of the articles I happened across was about snacks from the 90s. The article listed popular snacks of the 90s such as Dunkaroos, Crystal Pepsi, and fruit rollups.

I did enjoy Dunkaroos, but most of the other items listed never were too appealing to me. However, this article did remind me of my favorite snack of all time… Cornquistos!

Cornquistos weren’t a 90s snack, they came out in the 80s. If you don’t know what Cornquistos are, you have missed out on the best oral experience of all time! (Ahem… get your mind out of the gutter!!!)

You know what Combos are, right? Well Cornquistos were produced by the same company, the Mars Corporation.  The concept is the same, but the taste was overwhelmingly different… better!

The crunchy outer part was made of corn, like a really thick and crunchy corn chip. The inside was a glob of nacho cheesy goodness. I used to suck the filling out and eat the shell last.

There were several flavors… Nacho Cheese was my favorite, but the other flavors included jalapeƱo and I believe salsa. I never paid much attention to those other flavors because Nacho Cheese was pure perfection!


Anyone remember these???

I was a child at the time these made their debut and I remember begging my mom to let me have them each week when we went grocery shopping.

The commercials for these snacks were so… cheesy… (excuse the pun!) But I still remember the random people shouting “ole!” after the “cornquistador” gave them samplings of the new snack to conquer all other snacks. Ahh… memories!

Anyways.  These have been out of production for many, many years. This makes me so sad. I would give almost anything for one more delicious bite… sigh.

Do you remember Cornquistos? Weren’t they the best?! What other snacks do you miss from your childhood? Most importantly,  what snack can I find now to ease my lifelong Cornquistos craving???

Caturday Morning


Porn Kittie.

That is all.

Another Appointment

So Tuesday morning I am going to Little Rock for my appointment with a geneticist.  I’m pretty nervous because I’m not sure what is going to happen.


(Addy is having a very relaxing Easy)

I am hoping they will refer me to the other specialists I need to be seeing. Since moving here from OKC about a year ago, I’ve only gotten a pain management doctor in the state, and that was a complete disaster. I’ll write a post about that experience sometime in the near future,  it will make me too angry if I try to do it now.

I know I need MRIs of my brain and spinal cord. Since having surgery for Chiari Malformation,  I am supposed to be scanned every 6 months and it’s been over that.

I’ve been having significant numbness in my hands and, recently,  my feet and arms. This scares me because it is one of the symptoms of Syringomyelia,  the hole in my spinal cord, getting worse.

Also, I’ve been having a lot of neck pain, sort of like someone is jabbing a knife around in there. I know I have craniocervical instability and that will most likely need to be fused. That type of surgery scares me a lot, but I know it would help a lot of the pain go away, so I will go through with it if suggested.

I’m interested to see what the process is at the geneticist office and I’m really hoping they will refer me to some good, knowledgeable doctors.

If you have been to a geneticist,  or have any of these conditions,  I would love to hear about your experiences: Chiari Malformation,  Syringomyelia,  Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome,  craniocervical instability,  spinal fusion, Tethered Cord Syndrome,  POTS,  etc.

Hope you all have a great Monday morning!

Hugs, Kat

Caturday Night


Happy Caturday Night evfurryone!


I was bored, so I decided to do a little grooming…


Grooming is a lot of work!


It makes me furry sleepy…


Nite nite furiends!

Sandpaper kissies, Addycat