Writing Under the Influence… Again

I want love. The kind of love I’ve read about in fairy tales and great romance novels, not the torturous kind I’ve only known in this life so far.

I really don’t believe anymore that it actually exists, but if it does, it must be quite rare and therefore, the chances of it finding me are slight.

This is a depressing thought. Maybe I am destined to be alone for the rest of my days. Being alone suits me alright most of the time, but when the lonely comes, I feel it’s presence to the very core of my being… and it makes me cold. So cold.

That coldness is difficult for me to bear. It’s a physical and emotional coldness that no blanket can take the chill from. The only thing that helps at all when I get like this, is Addycat.

I doubt I will ever meet anyone who could truly understand me as I am, anyone I would actually have many things in common with, anyone who could love such a broken and chronically ill person like me.

Here’s a thought though… to keep what miniscule amount of hope I have left in finding someone, alive, I think I will start writing to that person. Here. In my blog. Maybe I will never have that special person to show the entries to, but if a miracle happens, and I do, then I will be glad I wrote them.

About Eli's Mommy

I am a mother and a kitty cat lover. I'm a little girlie and a lot geeky. I would do anything in the world for my children. I've been described with many words, ranging from compassionate to mysterious. I suppose I am a complex person, an old soul from my birth. There is a depth to me that no one has ever come close to experiencing, and probably never will. I wanted so much to become a nurse. I've always wanted to help others. Unfortunately, my life took a very different path. I have a lot of health issues which have left me disabled. That won't stop me from helping other people whenever and however possible. Please, please follow me. You won't be disappointed, I promise! View all posts by Eli's Mommy

9 responses to “Writing Under the Influence… Again

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